continuation

and today i checked my bank account and my tax refund was there to actually pay the bill that upset me so last week.
God and His timing are always perfect.

conversation

this took place between God and myself Monday night and Tuesday morning:
Monday night
me: i guess i'm mad. i just got this 2nd bill from physical therapy that i though i'd already paid. i know it's not worth getting mad about. it's just money.

Tuesday morning:
(as i'm in the snooze phase, not quite awake, kind of still dreaming)
God: do you want to drink from the Living Water?
me: woah...where did that come from? what was i dreaming?
(still not sure about this one)
(reading from Streams in the Desert before walking out the door)
"Jesus stopped and responded to two blind men who had called out to Him. 'What do you want me to do for you?' It was as though He said, 'I am yours to command...He seems to be saying, 'All my resources are at your command.'

(in the car on the way to work)
me: i guess i'm just stressed out about money for my mission trip to Mexico. if i have to spend my money on PT then i don't have as much. Lord i just really thought you were going to provide. i didn't think i was going to have to spend my money.
meditating on 1 chronicles 29:11-12 ...riches and honor come from you alone, and you are ruler over all mankind...ok, Lord it's all Yours anyways. i just wanted to have faith that you'd provide. i didn't want to have to ask people, to raise support. i wanted to be like george meuller.
God: have you even asked me?
me: huh? i don't know. maybe i haven't. maybe i just thought you'd take care of it, but never asked. ... (30 seconds or so pass) ... ugh! why am i having such a hard time asking? i guess because i don't just want to seek you for your provision. i want to seek your face not your hand. do you even enjoy giving? is it ok to ask?
God: Ask and it will be given to you; Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! (mt 7:7, 9-11)
me: ok, so i just ask that you provide for my trip to Mexico
God: I will meet all your needs according to my glorious riches

driving home from work on the phone:
mom: i have some good news.
me: oh yeah, what's that?
mom: dad said he's going to pay for your mission trip.

i don't remember what i said after that...i was crying though.
God is good.

bhag

big, humongous, audacious goal
i heard this on the radio tonight and am sorting out my life goals into big, but definitely reachable vs bhags

another good quote:
don't react to your life, but be proactive

a good day

i think sometimes when you have a good day you just need to share it with the ones you love.
today was such a day. it was different, to say the least. instead of being in front of the class most of the day i took the back seat to others, wiser and more experienced...my bosses. it was sweet. not because i didn't have to "work," but because i got to learn. my direct supervisor will be teaching a bible study on the book of Romans this summer, and it was so, so good today. she is a great teacher. she's also been playing some songs by big daddy weave and having us listen to the lyrics...amazing stuff if you take the time to hear what's being said.

here are some things that i was encouraged by just as i was reading through Romans 1
v5 through (Jesus) we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations
i still get all stirred up every time i read about "the nations." and paul realized that it was for the glory of God that he was being sent into the nations with the gospel
v8 your faith is proclaimed in all the world
wow! paul is telling the Roman believers that their faith is known throughout the world. what does the world say about us? about believers in the USA? i have a sad, sad feeling it's not our faith they're talking about.
v18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth
unrighteousness suppresses the truth. is there anything i'm doing that is hindering the truth from being spread?

another sweet moment today happened during our reading of the old testament this morning. we've been reading through 2 kings and keep coming upon kings that "followed the Lord, but/nevertheless/however..." didn't follow Him completely. they compromised. they left up the high places. they didn't inquire of the Lord. they weren't men after His heart. one of the girls said something really profound. we've got to live life with "no conjunctions."
i'm seriously thinking about putting that on a tee-shirt.

when is it ok to say no?

this is a question in my life right now. i'm reading a book about boundaries, but apparently i need to read faster.
so, i'm just throwing the questions out there friends...
how do you set boundaries?
when is it ok to say no?
what if you feel like saying no isn't an option?

happenings

last week i read a book called the shack. i can't decide if i recommend it because it's a little on the mystical side, and i would only want to truly recommend something that's based on truth. but this book did make me want to know Jesus more intimately, and i believe there is truth woven in.
the book is about a man's struggle after his daughter was kidnapped and evidence is found in an abandoned shack that she was murdered. several years later he receives a mysterious note from "Papa" (the name his wife intimately calls God) inviting him back to the shack. Mack decides to go for it and meets the Trinity there.
ponderings while reading:

• our perceptions of God are not always correct
• God desires that we be one with Him, and that is so, so intimate
• God did His part that all peoples might come back into right relationship with Him, the rest is up to man
• predestination...though God knows who will chose Him, He desires for all to come...He's not sending man to hell in His wrath...man chooses it for himself
• God knows how many times He has to teach us something before we get it; each time we don't get it we are disciplined or rebuked by our loving Father but He rejoices in "only 46 more times to go!" (i don't know how much truth is in that, but i thought it was funny)
• we are judgemental beings...and we have no right to be

as i was reading the book i also read John 15:15, "I have called you friends." i shared with my students the other day that we can be friends with Jesus and that i've been praying for that side of our relationship to be strengthened (because i have no friends here in florida!). one of them was funny...she said, "i never thought of ms. angela needing other friends. i thought we were enough. i guess i never thought of life outside." oh how small their worlds are!

we also are reading through 1 kings right now. solomon just finished building the temple and prayed "that all the peoples of the earth may know that the LORD is God and that there is no other" 1 kings 8:60. we talked about what a blessing it was that solomon prayed for us! later in the day we read john 11 where mary and martha tell Jesus, "if only you had been here our brother would not have died." we talked about our "if onlys... and yeah, buts...." and Jesus' response is, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

oh that all the peoples of the earth would see the glory of God!

so, now that it's almost over i feel that i can share about my fast...my 40 day no tv or movies fast. it's been rough some days, i'm not gonna lie. the last 2 fridays i've just wanted to veg after a long work week!
it all started with that Beth Moore study. God just kept bringing it up...getting rid of the things that don't glorify Him, or edify me; letting Him sanctify me through and through. i wasn't sure what to cut out so i just did it all. really, really hard thing to do considering there is a tv in almost every room in the house AND outside on the back porch. i must admit, a few times i turned around when someone was making a great golf shot (i don't even like golf), or when i overheard a really funny commercial, but i usually tried to keep my distance.
what i've learned:

• we waste a lot of time watching tv
• we watch a lot of things we, as Christians, shouldn't
• we tolerate, thus accept, a lot of immorality by watching said programs
• i'm challenged to watch less tv during the week, maybe none monday through thursday
• i'm challenged about the shows i watch...will i continue to tolerate the sexual innuendos, the swearing and cursing, the murder, etc?

i'll say it again...this is HARD! i would consider myself to be a pretty intolerant person when it comes to immorality in the media (my brother would consider me extremely intolerant). but perhaps i need to be more intolerant.