about Mary Kay...God said no...He's told me again and again and again that He will provide. i was trying to take matters into my own hands.
my bro moved out because his job offered him an apartment on site. so i'm moving upstairs. i bought living room furniture and we're painting this weekend.
we're going to the membership/find out what the church is all about meeting this Sunday...i'm very intrigued by some of the things i've seen.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
identity
i remember a few years back when the leader of leader ladies were meeting with the good Wanda Strappazon and she talked with us about our identity. i didn't get it. i just remember that our identity is not what we do, or our family relationships but who we are in Christ.
i've been hit with that again recently. i was feeling stressed at work and my boss boldly told me like only she can that i place my identity in the success of my students, and if they're not doing well, then i feel like a failure. well maybe she didn't say failure, but it was something along those lines. and as much as i didn't want to believe that, i knew it was partly true.
as i thought about it the next couple days i realized that i also make myself into a "defender." but not in a good way. when a kid gets into trouble on my turf, even if i don't verbally or physically react, on the inside i bow up like a bear getting ready to attack the predator of my cubs. even if the girl deserves the correction she's receiving, i feel like i have to back her up or make excuses for her. but i don't need to make excuses for any one's sin. if we are truly in need of a Defender, the Lord will suffice, so i'm trying to stay out of His way.
but wait there's more. i also had a revelation that i place my identity in the fact that i live with my parents...loser. let's face it, that's what society says and what the media portrays. and then there's old maid...30 and not married yet...delightful.
but there's no truth to those labels. i know that we all identify ourselves with what we do, or in some cases what we've done. we place a scarlet letter on ourselves. but we need to see ourselves as God sees us and start living like we believe what He says about us...royal priesthood, adopted children, heirs, beloved, chosen, redeemed, forgiven...
i've been hit with that again recently. i was feeling stressed at work and my boss boldly told me like only she can that i place my identity in the success of my students, and if they're not doing well, then i feel like a failure. well maybe she didn't say failure, but it was something along those lines. and as much as i didn't want to believe that, i knew it was partly true.
as i thought about it the next couple days i realized that i also make myself into a "defender." but not in a good way. when a kid gets into trouble on my turf, even if i don't verbally or physically react, on the inside i bow up like a bear getting ready to attack the predator of my cubs. even if the girl deserves the correction she's receiving, i feel like i have to back her up or make excuses for her. but i don't need to make excuses for any one's sin. if we are truly in need of a Defender, the Lord will suffice, so i'm trying to stay out of His way.
but wait there's more. i also had a revelation that i place my identity in the fact that i live with my parents...loser. let's face it, that's what society says and what the media portrays. and then there's old maid...30 and not married yet...delightful.
but there's no truth to those labels. i know that we all identify ourselves with what we do, or in some cases what we've done. we place a scarlet letter on ourselves. but we need to see ourselves as God sees us and start living like we believe what He says about us...royal priesthood, adopted children, heirs, beloved, chosen, redeemed, forgiven...
Saturday, February 7, 2009
long stories short
Work~some of you know that we have 10 girls now at hosanna house. praise the Lord for that number because we had one run away and God brought her back to us. 10 makes it just that more intense in the classroom. but God is good and He gives me moments of clarity and peace in the midst of academic chaos. my favorite time of day continues to be devotions; i daily ask God that He'd speak to us as we read His word. sometimes i feel like i'm talking to a wall, but seeds are being planted...hopefully on good soil.
Church~my mom and i have been going to Christ's Church for the past month or so. the great thing about this church is that they have what most would call sunday school AND small groups. you 9:30ers are probably thinking, "what's so big about that?" it's huge. i haven't found a church here that does both. i was hooked up with a small group of 30-somethings (scary right?) and have been going for the last 3 weeks. i enjoy the depth and the potential community.
Possibilities~(interesting how many sentences start with) my mom and i went to a mary kay party last saturday. good thing because i've been looking for a consultant since i moved here. i will not go into all the cosmetic details and necessities. to understand my thinking here go back a few posts to "this just in..." i'm seriously (leaning towards 90%) thinking about joining up and becoming a consultant. i won't make you suffer through my lists of pros and cons. what's holding me back though are verses like, "be content" and "do not covet." am i being bratty and discontent by wanting more? it's not like i want it handed to me on a silver platter...i'm willing to work for it. on the other hand...one thought that keeps going through my mind is...what an amazing ministry opportunity. how many other jobs let you go into people's homes and tell them about not just a product but a company that says, "God first, family second, career third." for the introvert that i am, it swings the door wide open for meeting people, building relationships, and talking about Jesus, even if our only common ground is skin care. * i wouldn't quit my other job, i would just work this very part-time *
i HATE making decisions. Ha! even as i wrote that, God reminded me of the Scriptures when "David inquired of the Lord." i know the decision is ultimately in God's hand. but knowing it and living like i know it are very different things.
Church~my mom and i have been going to Christ's Church for the past month or so. the great thing about this church is that they have what most would call sunday school AND small groups. you 9:30ers are probably thinking, "what's so big about that?" it's huge. i haven't found a church here that does both. i was hooked up with a small group of 30-somethings (scary right?) and have been going for the last 3 weeks. i enjoy the depth and the potential community.
Possibilities~(interesting how many sentences start with) my mom and i went to a mary kay party last saturday. good thing because i've been looking for a consultant since i moved here. i will not go into all the cosmetic details and necessities. to understand my thinking here go back a few posts to "this just in..." i'm seriously (leaning towards 90%) thinking about joining up and becoming a consultant. i won't make you suffer through my lists of pros and cons. what's holding me back though are verses like, "be content" and "do not covet." am i being bratty and discontent by wanting more? it's not like i want it handed to me on a silver platter...i'm willing to work for it. on the other hand...one thought that keeps going through my mind is...what an amazing ministry opportunity. how many other jobs let you go into people's homes and tell them about not just a product but a company that says, "God first, family second, career third." for the introvert that i am, it swings the door wide open for meeting people, building relationships, and talking about Jesus, even if our only common ground is skin care. * i wouldn't quit my other job, i would just work this very part-time *
i HATE making decisions. Ha! even as i wrote that, God reminded me of the Scriptures when "David inquired of the Lord." i know the decision is ultimately in God's hand. but knowing it and living like i know it are very different things.
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