where do i begin?

So, I think I'm going through a time of pruning. My Thursday morning Beth Moore study is When godly people do ungodly things. Friends, this is an eye-opening study about people who love Jesus dearly, walk with Him faithfully and yet, are led astray by the evil one into sin. It's so challenging and so good. The verse that i've been meditating on the past couple weeks is:
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
So I've just been praying that He would sanctify me through and through, and that required a little action on my part. One of the quotes from the study says, "I truly loved the Word and had begun to study it fervishly, but the enemy could still have victory over me because I was unknowingly blocking the power and protection of the Word from parts of my life that I either ignored or denied." I'm realizing that I rationalize sin away. Ugh! Things that so much of the world, even many believers would not consider sin. Such as, going 2-5 miles over the speed limit; watching certain shows on TV. God wants ALL of me. His word, thankfully is able to do a lot of the sanctifying...to the deepest parts! Check out Hebrews 4:12 in the Amplified version
"The Word that God speaks is alive and full of power [making it active, operative, energizing and effective]; it is shaper than any two-edged sword, penetrating to the dividing line of the breath of life (soul) and [the immortal] spirit, and joints and marrow [of the deepest parts of our nature], exposing and sifting and analyzing and judging the very thoughts and purposes of the heart."

So, speaking of joints and marrow...my doctor thinks I have gout. I just have to say that this makes me think of the Lunch Lady Song (aka Sloppy Joe) by Adam Sandler. However, I now think that it's terrible that he used gout in a song because it's a horribly painful ordeal. Unlike the lunch lady (who had to wear brown orthopedic shoes 'cause she had a bad case of the gout), mine is in my hand. Right hand, pointer finger to be exact. You'd be surpised how little you can do when your dominant hand/finger are in excrutiating pain. I did get medicine, which I was supposed to take until the pain went away OR I got sick to my stomach. Hmmmm, can't quite decide which was worse: crying myself to sleep and waking up everytime I moved or not sleeping through the night because I have to go to the bathroom every couple hours. I'll stop there with the details. The pain did go away for 3 days...but it has unfortunately started to return. For those of you who know anything about gout and are wondering, I will answer the question you know you want to ask, "NO I have not been on a beer drinking binge." I don't think that would line up with being sanctified through and through.

the rubber is hitting the road...

...literally. i'm driving 50 miles a day as i travel to and from work. one little jaunt is on an 8 lane, 3 mile long bridge that my mom used to have reaccuring nightmares about. as the wind nearly blew me out of my lane today, i began to understand why. to pass the 30-45 minutes each way i sometimes enjoy the silence, sometimes listen to music, and in the mornings listen to a sermon. only occassionally do i yell at the other drivers. i have been pleasantly surprised that the commute has been less busy and easier than i thought it would be. perhaps next week i can do it with my eyes closed...after crossing the bridge of course. this morning i thought i would be travelling just so, as i was more tired than usual. 15 minutes after i was supposed to get up, i heard the alarm going off, from it's resting place on my chest. i don't really remember reaching for my phone on the nightstand or pushing snooze 2 times, but apparently i did.

...figuratively. who knew that i would use my training from romania here in the states (besides God)? sometimes i just chuckle to myself as i read a procedure or sit through a long staff meeting or hear a story. i guess doing it all before, in another language, is God's way of making this transition back into the real world a little easier for me.

what is it, you may ask? well i still haven't figured it all out, but i am enjoying it. i think if i could remember more of what i learned in high school i would love it even more! i love the girls. i love our time of bible reading together in the mornings and afternoons. they are so insightful! i love when they succeed during school. i love that they are challenged to have integrity and to honor God in all that they do.

it is definitely a mentally draining job. there are so, so many procedures and i haven't begun to touch all of my responsibilities. every day i walk in the door exhausted. though i have loved being in all of my bible studies, i am ready for them to be over so that i can be home before 8 or 9 more often. i have been conned into leading next week's crown financial life group; tomorrow morning i'm bringing snack for my beth moore study. (did i tell you that my boss is letting me continue to go to this until it's finished in may?) i'll be glad to be in one at a time from now on, though i will always look back on these three months as a sweet time of learning and rest, and when He made me lie down in green pastures. from laying down to running...i keep thinking, "where was the warm up?"

pray that my body would catch up to my spirit
pray that i would be a light
pray for the girls to know and love Jesus

watch your back?

so i had a little scriptural encouragement that i wanted to share with you all today. as i think i've mentioned, i'm in a small group on thrusday mornings and we just recently started studying "Why Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by the one and only beth moore. it's hard to wrap it up into a sentence, but it's basically about not getting seduced into sin. last week as she was teaching via dvd, she shared that we are not to turn our back on the enemy. we need to be aware of his schemes and know that he is prowling around like a lion looking to devour (1 peter 5:8). she told us about her time in africa and getting to pet some really cute baby lions. when she was leaving, she turned her back to go out the gate. the caregiver grabbed her arm and said, "NEVER turn your back on a lion." they are powerful, wild and unpredicable. she then shared that in ephesians 6 the only unprotected part of our bodies when we put on our spritual armor is our back. check it out. you've got your helmet. your breastplate. your shoes. your shield. but there's nothing on your back.
that's been on my mind all week long. my back is out there for an attack.
we DO need to be aware of the devil's schemes. actually as i'm writing this i am reminded of something i saw on either animal planet or discovery about the sunderban tigers in india. unlike most tigers, these are man eating. they unsuspectingly attack the back of the neck and drag their prey off, never to be seen again. many fisherman and those who live in the area wear masks on the back of their head, trying to trick the tiger. at least that way, they can see the attack coming.
the attack is undoubtedly coming if we are walking with God. the only question is when. as i said, we need to be aware of satan's schemes and watch our backs. but today as i was reading in isaiah 55 i found something very encouraging.

the Lord’s glory will be your rear guard.

how cool is that? the Lord is bringing up the rear. He's got your back! we do need to be alert as peter tells us, but we don't need to worry about attacks unknown to God. He is sovereign. He is all powerful. and He is the ultimate authority in the universe. as we gird ourselves with the full armor of God, we can be assured that we've got backup and we're not fighting on our own.

to the nations

Psalm 96:3 Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.
Psalm 108:3 I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples.
Psalm 105:1 Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done.

Tonight at church we had a group called This Hope lead us in worship. No joke, I sat through the first song with my mouth wide open because they were so good. At one point during the evening they quoted a verse, which I know is from Psalms but I can't find it. There are SO many verses that talk about praising God among the nations, making known to the nations what great things He has done, etc. As they were saying it, I had a mini vision of going to all the nations...or at least all the continents...at some time during my life to declare His glory and to share Jesus. Whoa. Sometimes I wonder where these thoughts come from.

I have unofficially (or perhaps officially, I'm not sure how it all works) been asked to be on my church's missions commitee...committee...I'm going to have to learn how to spell that...so that's exciting. Not really sure what that entails. Don't know if it's just for this upcoming trip to Mexico or for missions in general. I'm excited that the church is getting excited about missions...well at least the church leadership is getting excited.

"because you say so i will let down the nets"

my friend brianna had a good word for me today. i've been praying about taking this job, but my heart has been heavy about it. career changes are a big, scary step. i so fervently prayed that if i was going to have a job that God would give it to me...and yet, i've doubted that this is from Him. it's so hard to think about getting involved with troubled kids again. my flesh says, "been there, done that," but apparently i'm not finished. like peter said (luke 5:5) "Master we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything." i have toiled, grown weary and exhausted. and don't get me wrong, God is so, so good. the kids in Romania are miraculously different than they were 3 years ago. to say i "haven't caught anything," that there hasn't been fruit would be unrecognition of the work of the Lord. i keep saying i want to do ministry, to speak truth to people, to help them to see the life-changing power of the word. God forgive me, i think i wanted to help hurting people without getting down and dirty. (sidenote: for those of you who don't know, i feel like i am supposed to write a book about how God is our Father) i guess i just wanted to write about it without walking people through it. just as peter thought he was done fishing for the night, i thought i was finished with teenagers living in a group home; i thought i was finished with teaching in the academic world. but apparently there are still fish to catch. the Lord still has some things to show me about Himself, that He doesn't do things the conventional way. so because He says so, i will let down my nets. i know they are going to be full.

ha!

so for at least a week i've been praying that if God wants me to have a job that He would just give it to me. i didn't know how that was going to work, still not sure if it has. but i did have a job interview and i did get offered the job today. i sent my resume to Hosanna House a while ago and heard back from the director within a few days but she said that she'd call. it's been a few weeks now, maybe a month, and she called me this morning. i was there for 3 HOURS! we just talked about life and ministry and what they're all about. we prayed together before i left. it was good. i have to give her an answer by thursday. how am i going to know what to do? how do we ever know what to do?
http://www.hosannahouse.com/

news

i just have to say that i love my pastor (he thinks "chocolate thunder from down under" will be on the dessert menu every night in heaven and i wholeheartedly agree). we're not yet buddies like strapp and i were but he preaches the word. this morning he brought it. he was planning on teaching the armor of God, but was compelled to preach from Proverbs 6

16 There are six things the LORD hates,
seven that are detestable to him:
17 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, 19 a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

we just talked about pride this morning. getting ourselves off the throne and doing things God's way. it's so good to be a part of a church where the truth is spoken and the fear of man is put aside. we are so likely to become comfortable; pray that we don't! the Christian life isn't about having all your ducks in a row. it's not about continuing to live in sin because i'm forgiven anyways. it's about being about the things of God. following Him at all cost.

(climbing down off the soapbox)

so i signed up to go with the church to mexico this summer. so far, God's not saying no, and i figure, why not? money is not an issue for Him, so i can't make that an excuse.

i'm working on the book. it's not an easy task. all prayers are welcome.