throw off everything that hinders

i had a thought a few nights ago and God confirmed it this morning during beth moore bible study.


"i am SO glad i do not have to carry the burden of providing and making decisions for my life."


when i had this thought, i was actually a little shocked. this is a new belief in my life and i didn't know that it had taken hold. as a single woman, for so long i've envied my married girlfriends for several reasons, one of them being that the husband is provider and ultimately responsible for the direction of the family. (though i know some of you out there do your best to get your opinions heard by your significant others).

but i am becoming more and more confident these days that Jesus is my Provider and the Leader of my life. i've seen proof of provision, so that's not a big issue for me right now. however, knowing what to do/what job to look for/whether to go to school/etc has obviously been a concern. but that's not a burden i'm supposed to carry. perhaps i'm too laid back in the jobhunt/making decisions, but i don't think so. i am convinced that God is going to tell me what to do. even if it is just one step at a time, i just know He's in charge of the future and He's going to let me know what i need to know, when i need to know it. He is in control of my life; it's by His grace that i take my next breath and next step; He is my load-bearer, my burden-carrier.

to carry this worry would hold me back. it would keep me from running to win the race. i keep thinking of the tv show "the amazing race": if i remember correctly, every time they had to race to the finish line, they put their packs down and ran with all their might. it's really hard to run with a backpack on...and you look pretty stupid trying to do it too.

i'm not saying we're supposed to just sit around until He tells us to get up. it's a race! we're running. but we've got to be actively seeking, keeping our eyes and ears and hearts open.

i know that not worrying is something Jesus has been trying to teach me for a long time. i hope i get it this time around.

WOOHOO!

Today I'm excited for 2 reasons~
1. God answers prayer. I have been missing my friend Jill and trying to find her so we could reconnect. She's just one of those heart friends and we lost touch after I moved to Romania and she got married. So last night I just prayed that God would help us to reconnect if it was His desire and I emailed her old yahoo address. And today she wrote back. YEA!
2. two words: peanutbutter pie
I went out to lunch with my mom, her best friend and her sister and mom. We were going for the pie folks, and were planning on being there right when they started serving lunch and pie, so that they wouldn't run out. We had to make a detour because the president came to Jacksonville today, but we finally made it and oh was it worth it. If you come visit me I will introduce you to the pie. It just takes 30 minutes to get there, an hour if the president is in town.

joining the church

This is what I found the other day just in case anyone was wondering. I don't remember reading this when I read Spiritual Disciplines back in the day, but finding it online worked for me.
http://www.spiritualdisciplines.org/whyjoin.html

I did join the church I've been attending for about a month this morning. It's called Turning Point at Calvary. So far I just love the people, and it seems that they are loving God and making disciples.

Something that I find...weird about myself: I always expect to feel "moved by the Holy Spirit" or confirmation to know that God is talking to me about something, through scripture or whatever means He desires. But there are some things we just have to do, and we shouldn't need a conviction or a kick to the rear. This morning I just kept waiting for God to say something...and He didn't. I had been praying for weeks about joining this church; I've been participating in some of their ministries since day 1; the pastor even preached about the vision of the church today (see footnote about the irony in my life). I guess I'm just now processing...God can speak through our emotions, but He didn't with me today, or these past weeks. It was a step of faith to join...to say I'm planting my life here...minister to my needs and I'll minister to yours as well.

Footnote:
I know some of you have heard me say, "I don't want to be a part of a church that's building. I want to be at one with its priorities straight." Amazingly/ironicly that's exactly where God has placed me, in a church that's building and has its priorities straight.

step 1

had a little breakthrough yesterday related to the whole i-haven't-had-a-calling-so-does-that-mean-i'm-not-called?

2 corinthians 5:14-15 "for Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. and he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

all i know is that Christ's love compels me...it makes me want to DO something...to make disciples, to speak truth, to encourage, to have deep relationships, to love deeply, to live for Him.

not really sure what that means, but it's a step. and that's all i asked God for was a step at a time.

questions

do you have to be called to the ministry to
a. work full-time in a church?
b. go to seminary?
c. have an urge/longing to teach people God's truth and how to walk with Him?

what do you do with option c if you haven't been called?

what on earth does that mean, to be "called"?
aren't we all called...into relationship with Him? to go and make disciples?

how do you know if you're supposed to join a church?
does Scripture address this anywhere?

today i am restless. it's like i know what i want to do...but i don't know how to do it.
and i feel like God's telling me to settle here...totally not what i expected...i really thought st augustine was a short stop.

on a good note, i am loving the church i'm at right now. i have to just keep laughing and shaking my head...i told God i didn't want to be a part of a church that was building...and that is where He has me. but they're also making disciples, evangelizing and equipping the saints. i'm doing a beth moore bible study, being discipled by the pastor's wife and just started a crown financial small group.

no job yet...i keep waiting for God to drop one in my lap...the job that doesn't yet exist.

so kids, if you have any feedback on calling and church, let me know.

a quote to pierce the soul

"There is no way to learn faith except through trials. They are God's school of faith, and it is much better for us to learn to trust Him than to live a life of enjoyment."
from Streams in the Desert

"worship in the waiting"

bought a new FFH cd yesterday (thanks to mom's graciousness and money). i feel like this song is the theme of my life right now.

seen the red sea part
seen the mountains move
now it seems so dark
i can't even feel you
if you choose to be silent
then i'll be silent too
i'll worship in the waiting
quiet before you
till your voice like manna from the sky falls

i will worship in the waiting
i will walk this sand beneath my feet
though the winter wind is blowing
the ground is not frozen underneath
and i will worship and not grow bitter
cause i know you see the end of it all
with the sping will come the rain
and i'll see what was gained
in the waiting

i've seen the blooms of spring
life in everything
but now it seems so gray
bright colors fade away
the winter seems much longer
colder than before
but i will worship in the waiting
expecting something more
until the sun shines warm upon my face again

i will worship in the waiting
i will walk this sand beneath my feet
though the winter wind is blowing
the ground is not frozen underneath
i will worship and not grow bitter
cause i know you see the end of it all
with the sping will come the rain
and i'll see what was gained


and then there's some more about Him leading me, but i'm too lazy to go out to my car to get the lyrics. it's good though.